physics s. i felt insanely tired while doing the paper, and three hours never seemed to end. but well guess i wasnt alone yah. we're only human. went home after that, slept on the mrt and kept imagining myself sleeping in bed, curled up w the fan blowing. and i felt terrible cos i was stuck on some train with hard seats and a kid who kept staring. wassssup with small kids sometimes? never seen a tired student w bad hair? (just today ok, physics messes up my hair)

why didnt i sign up for obs korea? i thought i had a reason but suddenly i'm not so sure. cant remember. it had better be a darn good reason. hope so.

i'm thinking, about the future, and somehow i realise that things are only beginning. so how's it possible that sometimes i feel like i've ruined my life, that i've messed up big time, and that i've missed out on so much? we cant just assume that there's so much ahead of us. isnt that why they say, make every day count. but sometimes all these preachers, advisors, friends, they mean well, but hey think about what you say, dont just say it for the sake of cheering up a friend.

i hope that next time i give advice, i believe in it myself. dont you just hate it when you realise how idealistic you're being, so much so that sometimes you're deluding yourself.

here's something i believe. my cousin made me think about it.
somehow even though we always say that what matters most is that you're happy with the decisions you make, it matters significantly to me, that in these decisions, i'm supported by family and at least friends who matter. there's no point pretending that i'm able to make decisions regardless of parental or peer approval, cos its just not true. i'm not that kinda person. but i guess i'm not freakily dependent either.
balance is an art i've yet to attain.